Guest User 6/27/24 Guest User 6/27/24

Dance, My Eating Disorder, and Me: Part 4

The majority of my story up until this point was spent not being taken seriously because I was “medically stable” while I was in treatment from 2017-2018. I was lucky enough to have made it this far without any major health scares, and that was no longer true following this new development in my eating disorder. I will spare you the nitty gritty details of the symptoms I was experiencing at this time, but my health deteriorated to a point that I finally confessed to my nutritionist what was actually going on in the spring of 2021. I had not, until that point, divulged to anyone what I was actually doing.

By Emma Neilson, DWC Staff Member

Medical Disclosure: Dancewear Center does not claim to have any medical expertise on any circumstances or diseases discussed. This is Emma’s personal experience and opinions. If you need help or are in a medical emergency, see the resources listed at the bottom of this post.

Trigger Warning: Eating disorders, trauma, self-harming behaviors, and sexual harassment.

The majority of my time up until this point was spent not being taken seriously because I was “medically stable” while I was in treatment from 2017-2018. I was lucky enough to have made it this far without any major physical health complications or scares. That was no longer true following this new development in my eating disorder. I will spare you the nitty gritty details of the symptoms I was experiencing at this time, but my health deteriorated to a point that I finally confessed to my nutritionist what was actually going on in the spring of 2021. I had not, until that point, divulged to anyone what I was actually doing. My nutritionist ended up giving me an ultimatum, and although I can’t remember exactly what she said to me, I distinctly remember throwing out the last bottle of laxatives I had in the parking lot of the place I was working at the time. And although I’ve thought about it since, I have not touched any laxatives since that day.

It was also during the springtime that other ED behaviors started showing up, and it took me several months to realize that I was experiencing what many in the ED community refer to as “Extreme Hunger”, which eventually led me to discover the concept of “All In” recovery. The end of the school year of 2021 was fast approaching, and I was struggling. I refused to go to treatment voluntarily, and because I was no longer a minor, no one could force me to. No one knew the severity of what was actually going on. I told myself that after my last show of the year, I would go “All In”. And that’s exactly what I did.

I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. The problem with doing this unsupervised, and after such a prolonged period of being underweight, is that you can give yourself refeeding syndrome (also see here for more information). At the time, I had no idea what this was, let alone that this was a thing that happened, so I was terribly unprepared for what I was about to go through. Typically if you enter an eating disorder treatment facility underweight, they are very careful with how and by how much they increase your intake of food and nutrients. I was not. After I quit using laxatives, my body started to feel a lot better, however, as I started the process of going “All In” many of the same health symptoms I experienced while abusing laxatives popped up again, including new ones. In the period of 1-2 months, I gained back that 21% of weight that I lost, plus an additional 7%. I had gained over a quarter of my body weight, in a span of 4-8 weeks. I felt terrible, and finally decided to see a doctor. I went into that appointment and came out diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. Throughout all of this, I was still dancing full-time.

The next few months consisted of lots of doctors, therapy, and nutritionist appointments. I got rid of clothes that no longer fit my new body. I spent months, and months, and months still experiencing extreme hunger, and was struggling to manage and cope with it. I just wanted to be free of my illness. Finally, after a bout with COVID that was accompanied by lots of nausea, my appetite finally started to regulate itself in January 2022. Seven months after I had started my recovery process. However, it took much longer than that to become okay with the way my new body looked and felt. The changes I put my body through were so drastic in such short amounts of time, and going from such a low weight to over my “normal” weight was extremely difficult to come to terms with, both physically and mentally. My body dysmorphia was severe, and my dancing was greatly affected as well. Just like how sometimes when you switch to a new pointe shoe it can take time to get used to, it took an adjustment period to get used to how to dance in my new body.

As I continued through the rest of 2022, I started to feel more at home in my life, my body, and my dancing. I graduated from my dance program. I started working with DWC full-time. And although not everything in my life was rainbows and butterflies, the difficult things no longer triggered me to a point where I wanted to turn to my eating disorder. It was no longer worth it to me. And it still is not. Although disordered thoughts and body dysmorphia can still sometimes be a daily struggle for me, I have not engaged in any active ED behaviors since 2021. Reaching my “goal weight”, and getting the diagnosis I had always wanted, meant nothing to me if I was going to die at the hands of this disease. At the end of it all, the body I achieved and goal weights I hit never made me happy. And it was never enough. No matter the lengths you go to to please your eating disorder, it will never be enough. EDs will suck everything out of you until you have nothing left to give, including your life. I am lucky enough to still have mine.

The purpose of me sharing this story with you is not to receive any pity or comments like “You’re so strong and brave!”. Although it took me time to be able to tell this chapter of my story, it is not difficult for me to talk about. If anyone knows anything about me, they know I LOVE to talk. I want to share my experience and my story. Ultimately, my goal is this: If I have made you feel less alone or more seen, my job here is done. If I have made you realize that you or a loved one is struggling, my job here is done. If I have helped you take the first steps to reaching out for help, or even just gotten you thinking about it, my job here is done.

As long as there is breath in my lungs, I will continue to openly talk about my experiences. I strongly believe that there should be no stigma around eating disorders, especially in a field (re: DANCE), where they are so prevalent. And the first step to end the stigma, is to talk about it. Educate yourself. Learn and see without judgment. Realize that people of all shapes and sizes can be silently struggling with eating disorders. Mentally, I always struggle more internally when I look “healthy”. Weight is not indicative of struggle. Know that there are many more eating disorders besides Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa. Eating disorders are sneaky and manipulative. EDs can completely change the person that they are plaguing. If you have a loved one in your life who struggles, think about having a conversation with them about differentiating between them, the person, and their eating disorder.

Eating disorders have an extremely high mortality rate, and anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. There are resources. There is help. You don’t have to go through this on your own. It is scary, but the freedom on the other side of the tunnel is so, so, worth it. I got my life back, and so can you.

Don’t become a statistic. The world needs you, your art, and your dancing.

With love,

Emma

If you missed the other parts in Emma’s series you can find them here:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

If you or someone you know needs help please visit https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.

For emergencies please call 911.

And for more resources you can visit our page listing local and specialized help options.

Disclaimer

All content found on the Dancewear Center Website, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and all other relevant social media platforms including: text, images, audio, or other formats were created for informational purposes only. Offerings for continuing education credits are clearly identified and the appropriate target audience is identified. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this Website.

If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the emergency department, or call 911 immediately. Dancewear Center does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on dancewearcenter.net. Reliance on any information provided by dancewearcenter.net, Dancewear Center employees, contracted writers, or medical professionals presenting content for publication to Dancewear Center is solely at your own risk.

Links to educational content not created by Dancewear Center are taken at your own risk. Dancewear Center is not responsible for the claims of external websites and education companies.

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Guest User 6/25/24 Guest User 6/25/24

Dance, My Eating Disorder, and Me: Part 3

If you read my previous blog post (originally written in 2019, and re-released in 2022 and 2024), Dance, My Eating Disorder, and Me, you have a pretty good understanding of my story up until March of 2020. My thoughts and feelings on this particularly touchy subject have developed over time, and with the many different things I have experienced as I have lived through the world in the last 5 years. I hope my story can help you if you are currently struggling.

By Emma Neilson, DWC Staff Member

Trigger Warning: Eating disorders, trauma, self-harming behaviors, and sexual harassment.

If you read my previous blog posts (originally written in 2019, released in 2020, and re-released in 2022 and 2024), Dance, My Eating Disorder, and Me, Part 1 and Part 2, you have a pretty good understanding of my story up until March of 2020. My thoughts and feelings on this particularly touchy subject have developed over time with the many different things I have experienced as I have lived through the world in the last 5 years since I wrote that piece. I hope my story can help you if you are currently struggling.

Like so many others during COVID-19, I experienced a relapse with my eating disorder. My experience from 2020 through 2022 was so incredibly traumatic and scary that for many, this will be their first time hearing about my experience during this particular relapse. It has taken lots of work in therapy and in the way I carry myself in the world to be able to get to this point. If you have experienced an eating disorder, and you are not in a place to share your experiences- know that that is okay. Everybody has a different timeline, and many choose to never publicly share their story. Your story is yours and yours alone. This is mine.

In 2020, as the world was shutting down due to COVID-19, so was I. My eating disorder usually shows up during times in my life where I feel I have little to no control. At first however, this was not my experience during lockdown. At the time, having a few weeks off was a gift. I was able to cross off items on my to-do list, get some much needed rest and sleep, and engage in hobbies that I normally did not have the time for.

As my dance training switched over to virtual classes, I realized that this was my opportunity to play catch up. I was a “late starter” to ballet, only having taken my first class at 13. For my age and the path I wanted to take for my career, I was far behind dancers who were many years younger than me. Dance was the one thing that gave me structure during the months of lockdown and isolation, and I made it a priority. Throughout the 4 months I was at home, I only ever missed one day of virtual classes. As time went on, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I decided to give myself a summer intensive of my own design, and wrote out a schedule to keep myself accountable. This included dance classes of all genres, cross-training and strength training, stretching, and Physical Therapy exercises I had been given for pre-existing injuries. I also decided to complete several physical fitness and education certifications at this time. After 4 months of this, I made a HUGE leap in my strength, stamina, technique, and overall dancing ability and level. The caveat to this was because of my extreme over exercising, my appetite was being suppressed. I had lost 21% of my original body weight.

Although I felt exceptionally strong and healthy, this level of exercise and this weight was not naturally sustainable for me in the long term. I returned to the studio in the summer of 2020 and was placed in a higher level at my studio, and as I was starting to ramp up to my full-time dancing schedule, I severely injured my back. This injury was acute, and so severe that I could barely bend either forward or backwards for several months. I still am dealing with the repercussions of this particular injury now. I ended up dancing through this injury, refusing to stop taking classes and working out, because I was terrified of my body changing back to the way it was before I lost weight. As it was, many people were praising me for the way my body looked now, and my dancing had never been better, so why would I want to go back to the way I was before? It wasn’t until nearly a year later, after I finally had an MRI, that I discovered that I had several bulging discs in my back, and because of my weight loss, was showing signs of degenerative joint disease in my spine. I strongly feel that if I had not lost all that weight, and then proceeded to continue to push myself to the extreme in terms of my level of activity and diet, I would not have sustained this injury.

After a few months of dancing through it, I gradually had to reduce my activity level because of the pain that I was experiencing on a daily basis. Along with this came extreme feelings of guilt (i.e. “I should be working out/doing more”), and distress (“I will gain weight if I don’t xyz”). Still, I was convinced that this was just my new body, and my body had only changed because I was dancing so much now. I was in denial. It wasn’t until winter break of 2020, at the end of December, that I realized I was in the middle of a vicious relapse with my eating disorder. Those two weeks marked the start of my struggle with laxative abuse.

If you missed the other parts in Emma’s series you can find them here:

Part 1

Part 2

If you or someone you know needs help please visit https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.

For emergencies please call 911.

And for more resources you can visit our page listing local and specialized help options.

Disclaimer

Links to educational content not created by Dancewear Center are taken at your own risk. Dancewear Center is not responsible for the claims of external websites and education companies.

Shop now

Guest User 6/21/24 Guest User 6/21/24

Self-Image: Maintaining a Healthy Relationship with Yourself and Dance

By Brea Rittel, DWC Blog Contributor

Mental health and self-image have been a struggle for nearly every dancer I have met. The dance industry, along with many others, wasn’t built with the health of the dancers in mind. I have witnessed dancers battle with body dysmorphia, negative self-talk, and especially maintaining a healthy amount of self-care. I have been dancing for the last fifteen years of my life. I have watched so much talent and passion washed out of my peers simply because they burnt out. Kids who could have had a professional dance career, or at the very least maintained a love for the art, didn’t because it came down to choosing between their health and well-being, or dance. Most styles of dance actively encourage a perfectionist mindset, but especially ballet. Ballet is such a beautiful style, but it can be so stifling, and stuck in outdated traditions. Ballerinas were one skin color, one body type, and forced into a mold almost no one realistically fit inside. While there has been some improvement, there is still so much to address. Even now, as a dancer studying in the modern world, these pressures still have a profound impact on me and my health. When I was younger I was told “Don’t show your lunch,” and “Your legs are too big to be a dancer”, at one point I was even told that I would never be able to make it as a dancer because I just wasn’t “made for the ballet”, so I should just give up on any professional aspirations. Now, I find myself constantly unsatisfied with, not just my dancing, but everything I do in a day. My grades are never high enough, I am never happy with my sketches, and even my relationships suffer from my micromanaging tendencies, all of which stem from dance deeply implementing a belief that I will never be good enough into my brain from a young age. I want to pursue dance after high school, but I constantly battle with myself in deciding if it is even possible for me, since I don’t fit the standard. And I’m not alone in this battle, so many struggle with negative self-image as a result of growing up in dance.

Growing up in the age of the internet added a whole new element to this problem that is rarely addressed. I recently had a conversation with a dance teacher only 10 years older than me, and she pointed out that even when she was a kid there wasn’t the same widespread use of technology as there was when I was growing up. And it is only increasing for younger generations. My teacher believes that, for instructors, this changes what the students need from them in a class. I know as a student currently, I find it much easier to work with teachers who still treat me like a person beyond being their student. This can be as simple as not making derogatory comments about my intelligence when giving a correction, or asking before giving any tactile feedback. We now have constant access to other dancers on the internet, she pointed out. From professionals to child prodigies, all we see are these filtered versions of amazing dancers. Seemingly perfect in every way. While this can be a wonderful tool, it is impossible not to compare yourself. Social media algorithms make a profit off of our comparisons. The more time spent on the app, spiraling, the more engagement they're getting. So, they shove as much content in our faces as possible at all times. Because dancers tend to see the worst in themselves, and the best in others, we see them at their best and instinctually compare it to ourselves at our worst. It can be incredibly discouraging to constantly feel like you aren’t measuring up to that level of perfection. It is helpful to remember that dance, like almost everything else on the internet, isn’t always real. What we see posted is likely not the first time they attempted that video or picture, in the same way that we don’t always nail our turns or leaps immediately. It can be incredibly hard to pull yourself out of the mindset that you are worth less as a dancer than the people you see on social media, but it is important to remember that they are real people too. They have bad days too. They fall out of single pirouettes, miss a step in a dance, or catch themselves sickling their feet too. No matter how much social media gives us a false idea of perfection in the world, it will never be the case for anyone, including dancers.

The struggle with self-talk is so much more complex than most people give it credit for. Striking a balance between self-correcting and still maintaining a generally confident mindset. Having the ability to recognize your own mistakes without the thoughts becoming unproductively negative is a learned skill. For years I was told to just be positive as if it is that simple. I would express my frustrations with my dancing only to be greeted with comments like “We only do self-positivity here” from my peers, which never actually helped me not be negative, it just furthered my frustration because being positive about myself seemed impossible in the moment, and harmed my relationships with the people around me. It constantly made me feel like there was something wrong with me for not being able to be content with myself, the result being the worsening of my already poor self-talk. One of the best bits of advice I have ever received was to live in a neutral state of self-talk. For the longest time, I almost always lived in a state of self-resentment because I could never be as good of a dancer as I wanted, and the idea of trying to completely shut that down and move to a place of constant self-love was too overwhelming for me to even make an effort towards improvement at all. To me, it was a losing battle, so what was the point? When a teacher suggested shifting to a neutral place it seemed much like a more manageable leap (pun intended). This means instead of saying I am a terrible dancer every time I have a bad day, acknowledging that it was just that, a bad day. Instead of saying things like “I will never be a good enough dancer”, make goals about it. The key is recognizing the improvement. This has helped me get to a place where, while I still see my flaws and want them to go away, I can address them in a much healthier way more frequently.

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One last thing many dancers, including myself, have struggled with, is taking care of ourselves. I have spent the last 6 years of my life nursing an achilles injury that wouldn’t be nearly as much of a problem as it is if I had just taken care of it initially… or the second time… or this time… or any of the times in between. The reason I haven’t is something I’m sure many people relate to, I just don’t want to “waste my time” taking a break. I don’t want to fall behind my peers. Most people I know say things along the lines of “Oh well, I’ll just suck it up, it’ll go away eventually”, which hardly ever happens. Problems need to be addressed, whether mental or physical. The topic of mental health days is often a subject of debate for people, but taking care of your mental state can’t be ignored. Not just for the dancer's state, but their peers, coworkers, instructors, and choreographers are all impacted as well. Don’t get me wrong, dance classroom attendance is NOT optional. If you are simply not having the best day, or something is a little off, showing up and not being one hundred percent for one day is absolutely fine. Nobody is completely on it all the time. Showing up in a state that is so negative that it is detrimental to yourself and others is not, though. If you need a rest day because you are too overwhelmed, burnt out, anxious, or a host of other reasons it is okay to take a day off. What matters most is how you spend it. You could spend it eating chips and binge-watching random shows (though an occasional lazy day won't kill you, that can be saved for weekends and days off, it wouldn’t be effective for a mental health day), or you could spend it refueling your body. Spending time in nature, drinking lots of water, eating foods with nutritional value, sleeping, and of course doing things you enjoy, whatever you find works for you will leave you feeling more prepared for the next day than the first option. It won't make the feelings go away, but you will find yourself more refreshed and capable. The key to this is a healthy, honest relationship with your peers and coworkers in which you can communicate your needs without judgment or ridicule.

Along with that, generally eating enough, sleeping enough, and drinking enough water are so important to being a healthy dancer. It only hurts you more to not meet your body’s needs. You won't dance at your best, you won't be in your best mental state, and you won't feel good at all. Also, finding time for you to maintain relationships inside and outside of dance is not optional. Humans biologically need communication, so healthy relationships are a necessity to continue moving your health in a positive direction. It is so hard to maintain positive relationships with yourself and dance at the same time, but having a healthier mindset will help so drastically. Your dancing will improve and you will just feel so much better generally. I know taking baby steps towards everything I have talked about has helped me so much in the last year alone. Now, I am going into a summer of intensives, my senior year next year, and then adulthood feeling better about my dancing, healthier, and more self-aware than I ever have before. I encourage you to take a small step towards self-care, nothing major, just having snacks in your car or being intentional about spending time outdoors more. Even if the change isn’t major it opens the door for growth.

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Links to educational content not created by Dancewear Center are taken at your own risk. Dancewear Center is not responsible for the claims of external websites and education companies.

Guest User 6/13/24 Guest User 6/13/24

Dance, My Eating Disorder, and Me: Part 2

One thing that you have to know- recovery is not linear.

By Emma Neilson, DWC Staff Member

Trigger Warning: Eating disorders, trauma, self-harming behaviors, and sexual harassment.

This post was originally written by Emma in 2019, shared in 2020, and re-released in 2022 and 2024. Edits have been made for clarity.

Relapse

One thing that you have to know- recovery is not linear.

After 6 months back in the community, I decided I wanted to pursue dance more seriously. I was a “late starter”, had danced purely recreationally up until now, and had taken a year off. I was far behind where I should have been considering my age. In 2019, I started auditioning for summer intensives to kickstart the next phase of my training. I applied to colleges, and was also working and dancing. The combination of this stress, the inadequacy I felt when it came to dance, and my worsening body dysmorphia built up and in the spring of 2019, I experienced my first relapse. My behaviors were worse and more extreme than they had ever been, along with some new ones thrown in the mix. I lost a shocking amount of weight over the course of 2 months.

People who were close to me all started to notice, but I played it off as just an increase in my dancing. The health care professionals I was seeing at the time informed me that something would have to change or else we would need to consider treatment again. Treatment wasn’t even an option I was considering, and I knew that if it was put on the table again, I would refuse to go voluntarily. However, deep down I knew that I needed help again. I started seeing my therapist and nutritionist more regularly. At this point in time, I was set to attend a summer intensive in two months and needed medical clearance to attend. I knew that my doctor would not clear me to go unless she was convinced that I was healthy and doing well. I did not want to go back to the hospital or to treatment, so again, I had to make a conscious decision to recover.

Dance

When my eating disorder first developed, dance played a very big role. I struggled with body dysmorphia and terrible body image. I found that I would use dance to fuel my negative thoughts and behaviors. Even so, it was very difficult for me to take a break from dance. I was scared to take a break from exercising to commit to healing my body. I was terrified of my body changing in a way that I would perceive as negative.

While my body did inevitably change, you have to heal the body first before you can heal the mind. When you are not fueling your body correctly, your brain isn’t getting the nutrients it needs to function properly. The mental aspects of this disease are easier to work through after the physical issues have been addressed.

When I returned to dance, it felt as though everything had changed. I had previously looked at it as motivation- “I have to look like XYZ because of dance”, “I can’t eat XYZ because I’m a dancer”, “I need to exercise XYZ amount of time because of dance”. In recovery, I now look at this as motivation to stay recovered. I know I have to fuel my body in order to dance to the best of my abilities. I have better coping skills, a support system, and a wealth of knowledge up my sleeve to help me on tough days.

Sometimes I think about if I were to go back in time- would I still take a year off of dance? The answer is always the same- yes. If I could go back, would I still go to treatment? Yes. If I could change my past, would I choose to let my past self go through her eating disorder? Still- yes. Even though the present me may not love where I am in my life right now, everything in my past and that I have gone through has ultimately made me into the person that I am today. And for that I am eternally grateful. I have a very unique perception of society, diet culture, and self-love that not many people have, and if I am able to influence just one person even a little bit with my story, then it has been worth it.

A Call to Action

Dance has existed for centuries, and as such, we’ve carried on outdated traditions into modern times. The perpetuation of the stereotypical “ballet” body, the excessive use of mirrors, and teachers and directors policing dancer’s bodies and food just to name a few. Just because something has existed one way for so long doesn’t mean that it can’t change. The question is, how?

First and foremost, we have to start the discussion. I feel that by avoiding the topic of food and bodies out of fear, instructors and other authoritative figures in the dance community actually cause more harm than good. By not talking about it, many young dancers remain uneducated and uninformed. With a plethora of diets and unhealthy eating information at their fingertips, it is extremely easy to start developing disordered behaviors at increasingly younger and younger ages. However, this topic does need to be approached with sensitivity. Here are some major points that I think are important to remember:

All bodies are good bodies.
Your size and your weight don’t define you or your worth as a person.
Your size and your weight don’t define you as a dancer.
People can be healthy at every size.
Eat what you want, when you want.
There is no such thing as “good” or “bad” foods. Society has just pushed this narrative onto us. Many “bad” foods when compared to “good” foods end up having the same nutrients.
Everything in moderation. This includes exercise as well!
Even at rest, you still need to fuel your body. Your brain and your organs need food to function properly, even at rest.
Everyone’s body is different and has different needs. And that’s okay!

Secondly, if you are an instructor or a studio director, I would say one of the best things you can do is to bring in experts to educate your students. Because of the way the media works, false information is everywhere and spreads like wildfire, making it nearly impossible for youths to sift out the reliable information and facts.

Thirdly, I think it is about time we as a community change the way we use mirrors in our art form. I believe that mirrors are an essential training tool, and can benefit any dancer at any level if used correctly. However, in my experience, mirrors are often used for unhealthy comparisons and to pick out flaws to the extreme. Additionally, every student at some point has heard the phrase “Stop looking at yourself in the mirror!”, and unless used as a prop, we don’t perform with mirrors. So, what would it be like if we started using mirrors less? Covered mirrors? Were taught from a young age that our reflection does not define us? If you are a teacher or a director, ask yourself what you can do to shift the focus of your students from comparisons and relying on a mirror, to dancing for themselves and tuning into their body- how their body feels when dancing, and how movement feels in their bodies.

Lastly, I want to say this to anyone who needs to hear it- there is no shame in taking a break from dance. There are so many reasons you might need to take an extended leave of absence. I know it can feel scary and you might be afraid of what will happen, but I’ll leave you with this- if you feel the need to do it, it will probably be a decision you won’t regret in the future.

If you missed the other parts in Emma’s series you can find them here:

Part 1

“It can be so hard to stop or pause what we love to do, but any investment in yourself as a human is in turn an investment in yourself as a dancer.”

~Caitlin Schafte (a dear friend of mine)

If you or someone you know needs help please visit https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.

For emergencies please call 911.

And for more resources you can visit our page listing local and specialized help options.

Disclaimer

Links to educational content not created by Dancewear Center are taken at your own risk. Dancewear Center is not responsible for the claims of external websites and education companies.

Guest User 6/10/24 Guest User 6/10/24

Dance, My Eating Disorder, and Me: Part 1

I have such a crystal clear memory of the first time my ED reared its ugly head. I was at lunch with a group of my friends, and I happened to look down at the nutrition facts on the package of chips. Within the hour, I had counted all the calories I had eaten so far that day, and had a calorie goal set for myself for the next week. From that moment on, I was fighting a downhill battle.

By Emma Neilson, DWC Staff Member

Trigger Warning: Eating disorders, trauma, self-harming behaviors, and sexual harassment.

This post was originally written by Emma in 2019, shared in 2020, and re-released in 2022 and 2024. Edits have been made for clarity.

Development

As a child, I remember comparing myself to others my age in the dance studio.

I remember family members talking about how they didn’t like their bodies.

In middle school and high school, I remember being surrounded by diet culture in my family.

I remember my friends talking about what they would eat in a day, how they had eating disorders, and how they would hurt themselves.

I remember when I first started dance and thought to myself, “I don’t look like anyone else here,” and hating myself for it.

I would say that I’ve had disordered eating habits since I was 13 , but my actual eating disorder (ED) didn’t develop until my senior year of high school. There’s a saying that your eating disorder develops after a perfect storm of “little t” traumas that over time culminate into your eating disorder. For me, there’s almost too many to list. I was a perfectionistic 4.0 student with no idea what she wanted to pursue after graduating high school, a dancer who had been surrounded by diet culture her whole life, and a teenager who was sexually harassed in her junior year of high school.

I have such a crystal clear memory of the first time my ED reared its ugly head. I was at lunch with a group of my friends, and I happened to look down at the nutrition facts on the package of chips I was eating. Within the hour, I had counted all the calories I had eaten so far that day, and had a calorie goal set for myself for each day of the next week. From that moment on, I was fighting a downhill battle.

Everyday consisted of strict rules including calorie limits, foods I could and couldn’t eat, weight goals, and how I would “punish” myself if I didn't adhere to these requirements. I was totally obsessed and my whole life became consumed by this mindset. I couldn’t focus on my academic classes, and I was depressed and anxious. I tried to keep it a secret as long as I could.

My body eventually took over in order to keep me alive, and I wound up in the cycle of restricting and bingeing. I started therapy, and it was at this time I was diagnosed as Bulimic. Things were not going well, and I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation for the first time 3 months before I graduated high school.

After I was released, I was determined to graduate with a 4.0 GPA, while my family was trying to encourage me to go into treatment and temporarily drop out of school. Eventually I graduated, finished all my end of year recitals and concerts, and not even a week later was hospitalized again. While I was there the second time, my doctors recommended I go into intensive treatment for my eating disorder.

Treatment

What It’s Like and My Experience

From June 2017 until March 2018, the majority of my time was devoted to attending treatment, working through my thoughts and ED behaviors, and recovering.

The first half of this year, I was in a Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP), which was 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. It was during this time that I was diagnosed with OSFED (previously known as EDNOS). A typical day in treatment looked like this:

I would get there in the morning, and as a group, we would do a check-in: how we were feeling, anything that we were struggling with, etc. Then we headed to breakfast. I would say that hands down, the hardest part of treatment was meal times. Each person had a personalized meal plan, and if you didn’t finish the food you were required to eat, you were given a meal supplement you had to finish. If you didn’t finish it, you were sent home for the day, and then other treatment options were discussed with you and your team. We ate in groups as well, so being surrounded by everyone having their own battles often made it harder. Before eating we would do check-ins which included talking about our hunger levels. Typically with EDs, you ignore your body’s hunger cues, and can even lose them altogether, so this was an exercise in body awareness. We would play games during meals to help distract ourselves and try to get through it. After breakfast, we had intuitive groups. Our groups ranged from therapy, to discussing certain topics, nutrition & cooking, outings, and art & yoga. You could also have individual therapy or nutrition appointments throughout the day, as well as medical appointments to monitor your heart, blood levels, and weight. We had snack times between each meal, lunch, groups/appointments, snack, break, dinner, and the last group of the day. Wash, lather, rinse, repeat. The only time you had at home was between 7pm-7am the next morning before you got there for breakfast. I personally found nights the hardest, trying my best to sleep and not engage in ED behaviors during the night time.

After a few months of this, and a third hospitalization, I ended up at a different treatment facility by January of 2018. Here, I was in an Intensive Outpatient Program, or IOP. I spent breakfast through lunchtime there, with 2 groups per day. This allowed for a lot more freedom and responsibility on my end to meet my meal plan and prove to my care team that I was getting better. After about 6 months of not being allowed to engage in any exercise, I was finally cleared to, and I decided to return to figure skating for a few months after I had taken a break from this sport for 4 years. This level of care was the hardest for me. I wasn’t in treatment for as long each day, and it was up to me to eat everything I was supposed to and not engage in ED behaviors. However, towards the end of that spring, I started quickly declining. My team wanted me to go up to the PHP level of care again, but since I had been in treatment for so long and was deemed “medically stable”, my health insurance denied this request. This was not the first time my insurance had done this. Within my first two months of treatment, I was supposed to go to an inpatient clinic for 24/7 care, but as I was “medically stable”, my insurance would not cover it. Insurances tend to look at the medical aspect of things when it comes to treatment for eating disorders- which is completely backwards because they are mental illnesses. I was not dangerously underweight and my blood work was normal after the first few months of treatment, and at this point my insurance would not cover higher level of care. The entire time I was in treatment facilities myself, my family, and my care team were fighting to keep me there so I could get the help I needed.

That spring, my insurance was no longer wanting to cover any of my treatment costs, and I was 18 and was reluctant to go to a PHP program again. I was now an adult, and could now decide to voluntarily leave any program I was in, so I did. Right after I stopped my treatment, I ended up spending two weeks with my sister and her family. This ended up being a very healing time period in my life. My mindset completely changed and I decided that I was sick of being sick. I never understood when doctors, therapists, nutritionists, and those who were recovered said that recovery is up to you. I felt like I didn’t have a choice, and that my ED was controlling all of it. But that’s not true. I had to make a conscious decision to recover, and realized that no one could do it for me. No amount of treatment was going to magically heal me if I wasn’t actively trying to get better. And I realized that I hadn’t been trying.

I started to recover, and I finally returned to dance after over a whole year off.

“Remember, even if you can’t see someone’s struggle doesn’t mean it’s not real.”

If you or someone you know needs help please visit https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.

For emergencies please call 911.

And for more resources you can visit our page listing local and specialized help options.

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Everything You Need for Recital This Year!

It may seem a long way off but the end of the school year is approaching! Many of us dancers are getting ready for our end of year recitals and shows! With so many things on our plate, it is easy to forget things, so we here at DWC made a little list so you are sure to have all your necessities for tech, dress, and shows!

By Emma Neilson, DWC Social Media Manager

Pointe Shoes

If you haven’t already done so, now is the time to start thinking about your pointe shoe situation for shows! Some shoes take longer than others to arrive, so to make sure that you have what you need, we recommend coming in and getting a fitting or placing an order with us now! Don’t forget, we offer discounts on bulk orders!

3 pairs of pointe shoes is 10% off

4-5 pairs of pointe shoes is 15% off

6+ pairs of pointe shoes is 20% off!

Pointe Shoe Shellac and Jet Glue

To make sure your shoes will support you through all the extra dancing you’re doing during this season, we highly recommend checking out our new product- Pointe Shoe Shellac!

Any other dance shoes

Are you also doing jazz, lyrical, tap, or any other genre? Make sure you have those shoes too!

Costume/Tutu Bag/Bag in general

Need help transporting all your items? We have you covered! With little time to no time to run home and grab anything they may need dancers need to bring a bag large enough to carry all the items you'll need for the day so you can be prepared. At Dancewear Center, we have a wide selection of dance bags to choose from including this AK Backpack! And some of our favorites include the RP Duffle Bag, Capezio Everyday Dance Duffel, and RP Origami Bag. And don’t forget a tutu bag!

Leotards/Undergarments

You’ll also need to make sure you have all the necessary undergarments for whatever costumes you’re wearing. We have a wide variety from brands like Capezio and Eurotard, and have multiple shades to make sure it makes your skintone seamlessly!

Tights

Make sure you have your tights, and extras in case of emergencies! We offer tights in a wide variety of skin tones and styles!

And don’t forget the tights bulk discount: buy 2 pairs get the 3rd for 50% off!

Body Glue

Are you wearing costumes that like to slip and slide as you’re dancing? We have a solution!

Hair accessories

Make sure you have all the tools you need to make your hair look flawless for photos and the stage. Have you seen the new hair nets we have yet? Or this wonderful hair kit that packs everything you need?

Pointe Paint

Are you required to have your pointe shoes be a certain color? We have a hassle-free and mess-free solution! Pointe Paint by Pointe People!

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DWC Competition and Convention Product Guide

At last, the gift-giving season is upon us! When it comes to shopping for holiday gifts, an unnecessary amount of stress can easily accrue. What do I get for them? What’s on-trend? Will they like it? Countless questions circle through our brains, making an activity that’s supposed to be festive feel a bit overwhelming. That’s why here at Dancewear Center, we’re making your life a bit easier by giving you our ultimate guide to holiday shopping for your favorite dancers! From stocking stuffers to affordable activewear to luxury leotards, DWC is your one-stop shop for holiday gifts this season. Read on to learn about our top picks that you can get for 30% off at our Small Business Saturday Sale, starting with the more affordable finds and leading into more upscale items.

By Madison Huizinga, DWC Blog Editor

Competition and convention season starting means that many dancers are going to be moving a lot more and getting the opportunity to train and compete in front of the most talented dancers and choreographers in the nation. How exciting! As with performances, feeling prepared for dance competitions and conventions can make the season feel a lot more sensational and a lot less stressful. Making sure you have your competition and convention schedule planned out, keeping warm in convention classes, staying organized, and wearing an outfit that makes you feel confident are all things dancers can do to feel a bit more secure during competitions and conventions. At Dancewear Center, we have the tools to set dancers up for success. Read on to learn about our competition and convention must-have items.

Claudia Dean World Sports Bra and Biker Shorts

As most all dancers know, when you're feeling confident, you're more likely to perform your best. One way to feel more confident while dancing is wearing dancewear that's appealing to your eye. And what's more appealing than this Claudia Dean World Sports Bra and Biker Shorts combo? Not to mention, wearing a monochromatic, matching ensemble like this one makes getting dressed for convention classes in the morning a breeze.

Zarely Ida Cross Back Top

A big part of feeling confident as a dancer is wearing dancewear that makes you feel comfortable and secure. The Zarely Ida Cross Back Top does just that! Providing a soft, comfortable fit with a highly stretchable fabric, the Ida Cross Back Top ensures that dancers feel supported so they can put all their focus on their dancing. The mesh detailing along the bottom of the top allows for breathability, even during heavy perspiration. This top is the perfect item to wear to convention classes!

Bloch Warm-Up Booties

While competition and convention season is an extremely active time for dancers, there are also many moments when dancers are waiting in between their competition performances and convention classes. During these times, it's critical that dancers keep their muscles warm in any way they can. Warm-up Booties are an excellent way to stay warm in between activities. They are thick and cushiony, providing great shock absorption for practicing jumps on hard surfaces. And they're often big enough for dancers to fit their pointe shoes in! The booties come in a variety of solid colors and printed designs at Dancewear Center.

Eurotard Ripstop Warm-Up Pants

In the similar vein of keeping warm, the Eurotard Rip Stop Pants are another excellent product for keeping your legs warm in between competition/convention activities. Also known as "trash bag pants," these ripstop pants are made from a fabric that effectively helps heat stay insulated to keep dancers warm and fashionable. The innovative pants contain an embossed design and deep pockets, making them multi-functional.

Garment Bag

Another invaluable item dancers must transport during competition season is costumes. There are few things more stressful than forgetting a piece of your costume at home. That's why carrying your costumes around in a garment bag is a must. Garment bags help keep costumes clean and the little zipper pockets in this Capezio one enables dancers to keep their hair pieces organized.

Dance Bags

During dance competitions and conventions, dancers are typically dancing and competing all day, with little time to no time to run home and grab anything they may need. That's why it's important to bring a bag large enough to bring all the items you'll need for the day so you can be prepared. At Dancewear Center, we have a wide selection of dance bags to choose from, some of our favorites include the RP Duffle Bag, Claudia Dean World Pro Bag, Capezio Everyday Dance Duffel, and RP Origami Bag.

Hair Products

It seems as though you can never have enough bobby pins on the day of a competition! Making sure your hair feels secure on competition and convention day can help you operate at your peak. DWC's got all of your hair needs covered, including hair elastics, hair ties, bun builders, and more.

Covet Dance's Dancer Problems Kit

The Dancer Problems Kit by Covet Dance is the perfect item to throw into your dance bag before a weekend of dancing and competing. This neatly sized pouch is filled with "solutions for everyday emergencies dancers face." In the event of a costume malfunction, the pouch has a "Mend It Sewing Kit," replete with needles, thread, buttons, snaps, tiny scissors, a safety pin, and more. The "Boo Boo Beads" is a heart-shaped hot/cold pack that molds itself to help sooth injuries. The "Nailed It" file and buffer can help smooth out toenails to prevent snags on tights. The "Blister RX" case is filled with bandages for blisters and cuts. "Lip Service" is vanilla lip balm, perfect to wear under lipstick. The "Hair Spray/Run Remedy" stops snags in tights and fixes hairdos. And finally, each kit comes with one hair coil and two hair ties because you never know when you may need them!

Water Bottle

What's more important than staying hydrated during a long weekend of training and competing? Dancewear Center has a wide range of water bottles for people to choose from, including the signature DWC "This Body Dances" Water Bottle, the adorable Capezio Ballerina Girl Water Bottle, the sporty Claudia Dean World Power Bottle, and more! And if you're the type of person who needs coffee before a long day of dancing, check out the Covet Dance "Coffee Before Choreo" Thermal Tumbler and the Covet Dance "The Body Says What Words Cannot" Thermal Tumbler.

Pointe Shoes

And of course, you can’t forget your pointe shoes! Be sure to get fit ahead of time and stock up on multiple pairs so you aren’t left with a dead pair of shoes in your most dire hour!

Staying prepared and organized is a key to success during competition and convention season. At Dancewear Center, we’ve got the products to help you perform at your top-level!

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Tips for Preparing for Nutcracker Season

Growing up, Nutcracker season was one of the most magical and exciting times of the year. The giggles backstage with my friends, the swelling of my heart as I’d listen to the beloved music, and the adrenaline in my chest as I graced the stage were truly unbeatable sensations. While performing in a production of The Nutcracker is undoubtedly an exhilarating experience, it can also be an incredibly stressful one. Not to mention, this is many dancers’ first time performing in front of a live audience in a while, due to the COVID-19 pandemic. It’s understandable if people are feeling a little extra overwhelmed and nervous this time of the year! From organizing costumes, managing your time, taking care of your body amid numerous performances, and staying mentally healthy, there is certainly a lot to oversee. Fortunately, there are steps we can take to ensure we’re putting our best foot forward this Nutcracker season.

By Madison Huizinga, DWC Blog Editor

“Nutcracker season is a thrilling time of the year, a time when some of the best dance memories are made. Making sure you’re organized and effectively taking care of your body and mind makes it that much more magical and enjoyable. Happy Nutcracker season to all!”

Before the performances even begin, there is a great deal of energy put towards preparing for The Nutcracker. A big part of this preparation is making sure you have all the tools and materials you need to be successful - I’m talking about costumes, pointe shoes, snacks, water, and more. There is nothing worse than showing up to the theatre the day of your performance and realizing you’ve left your hairpiece at home or have a run in the only pair of tights you brought. To prevent this from happening, create a checklist a few days before your dress rehearsal or performance to ensure you don’t leave anything behind. Some important items to include on your checklist could be functional pointe shoes, a sewing kit, ballet flats, an extra pair of tights or two, warm-ups, a foam roller, hairnets, hair ties, bobby pins, makeup, warm-up clothes, snacks, water, and (importantly) all pieces of your costume. Creating this list a few days in advance of your performance is helpful, so you have plenty of time to find or purchase the items you need.

Each year, most dancers perform in several performances of The Nutcracker, sometimes spanning several weekends. This is a lot of dancing! Especially after the break many dancers took in 2020, this much performance time may understandably take a toll on your body, leaving your muscles feeling sore. Post-rehab Specialist Leah Bueno, also known as @thepilatesdancer on Instagram, writes that “added rehearsals and performances can leave the body vulnerable to injuries.” Thus, she advises dancers to warm up every time they dance, making sure they warm their bodies back up if they haven’t been dancing for 20 minutes. This is a particularly important tip, considering The Nutcracker can involve a lot of starts and stops. Bueno also recommends dancers spend extra time on recovery, involving self-massage, exercises that reset the body, and getting a good night’s sleep. Finally, Bueno says dancers should “seek support if something hurts,” pointing out that prioritizing your health now can prevent less time away from the studio in the future.

Finally, in addition to staying organized and physically healthy, it’s also important to keep your mind mentally healthy throughout Nutcracker season. Performance season can be a stressful time for everyone. I remember during my Nutcracker performances growing up, I would get so stressed out that I would sometimes snap at my family members, friends, and instructors, as my intense focus on my performances kept me from being mindful about my behavior. I also held myself to a strict performance standard, emotionally berating myself every time I faltered onstage. One year, when I was performing a solo as the Sugar Plum Fairy, I slipped and fell on my behind - I was mortified and let my shame eat me up.

As much as we try, it’s near impossible for every performance to turn out exactly how we want it to. Tiny slip-ups are bound to happen here and there, most of which may not even be caught by the audience. We must take our performances seriously and strive to be the best dancers we can be, but also, have a sense of humor when things don’t turn out exactly as expected. After all, it’s the holiday season, an exciting time to celebrate with friends and family.

When you feel your stress building up, instead of intensely internalizing it or blurting out something you regret to one of your loved ones, try taking some deep breaths to relieve some of the tension you’re experiencing. Instead of fixating on your fear of messing up on stage, shift your mind to all the positive, exciting things about The Nutcracker season, including getting the chance to perform on stage, be around friends, and show off your dance training. I also find it helpful to write down or speak some positive affirmations about myself aloud before I begin a stressful endeavor. If you are feeling good about yourself and believe you can succeed, you’re setting yourself up for a great performance!

Nutcracker season is a thrilling time of the year, a time when some of the best dance memories are made. Making sure you’re organized and effectively taking care of your body and mind makes it that much more magical and enjoyable. Happy Nutcracker season to all!

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Dance is Life

To dance is to embody freedom.

To dance is to express oneself in a most powerful way.

To dance is to share oneself with others so that their lives might be enhanced by a blessed gift.

Part 1

By Vania Bynum

Vania Bynum | van-ee-uh bye-num | pronouns: she/her

To dance is to embody freedom.

To dance is to express oneself in a most powerful way.

To dance is to share oneself with others so that their lives might be enhanced by a blessed gift.

When I think about my journey in the arts, I reflect on my love of music, my desire to sing, and the excitement of theater and performance. When I think about my specific journey in Dance, I reflect on the fact that my whole life has been enhanced through the power of movement and dance. I ponder the truth that I would not be the same person without dance in my life. And I acknowledge that the healing elements of Pilates, yoga, and dance totally transformed my quality of life. After being struck by a pickup truck, a life of daily pain became an opportunity to heal and give thanks for the basics in life. I danced with praise for the ability to utilize my body as a tool for self-expression, and to bring joy to others by inviting them into my love of the arts. I dedicated my gift to liturgical dance, ministering to others, sharing stories through the power of gospel music and dance. The effect that the arts have had on my life and my health are undeniable and will continue to manifest as I enter my next phase of dance in my 50+ Vessel. With a recent diagnosis of Lupus, which has potentially debilitating effects on my body, the ability to move as long as possible has become even more precious. I am even more committed to embracing the spirit and vitality of dance so that I CAN live.

Although the diagnosis of Lupus was greatly unexpected, it was not completely surprising because the disease has shown itself in our family history with devastating results. As I navigate this new space, I now understand where some of my pains have come from. I understand why I danced consistently with ankle braces for no apparent reason, why I have mysterious joint pain that magically goes away, and maybe why I have had ongoing hip pain… even when I felt at my best. Oblivious to what was happening internally, I took the no pain, no gain stance because I was determined to dance at Cornish College of the Arts with other artists almost half my age. I was Free to Dance after a corporate job in Computer Engineering. I was committed to dance ministry as my way of communing with God and giving thanks for my life. I was thankful to Edna Daigre for introducing me to Pilates and the power of moving with Negro Spirituals, and to New Beginnings Christian Fellowship of Kent, WA., who embraced my gifts and provided a platform to speak from the heart through dance. And there are many others to thank that you will read about in the future. I am beyond grateful that I did not know that Lupus lurked in my body when stressful seasons came. All I knew was that I have a desire to dance and that throughout the “episodes,” I have never lost my ability to move. The flame still burns as I am challenged with the reality that I must be consistent in taking medication despite my free-spirited personality. I must monitor my stress levels and change my diet to keep Lupus at bay. I communicate with a family member to learn more about the disease so that I can be responsible. Lupus is a disease that affects people of all ages. I am not the first dancer who dances with Lupus, and I will not be the last. For this phase of my life, the arts will help me continue to thrive. And I can inspire others like those who inspire me. See these inspirational stories below about beautiful people and their journey with Lupus.

“ “To dance is to live. But to live, I must dance.” I dance for my Life. ”

click below to shop the look:
*Bloch- Ladies Zip Front Mesh Back Crop Top*
*Girlfriend Collective- Compressive Pocket Legging*
*motionwear-* *Nutcracker's Back Tote Bag*

VCBynum Arts & Education

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Sources:

Journeys with Lupus...

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Links to educational content not created by Dancewear Center are taken at your own risk. Dancewear Center is not responsible for the claims of external websites and education companies.

Guest User 11/8/23 Guest User 11/8/23

Lessons from the Emerald Isle: What I’ve Learned as a Contemporary Dancer in Ireland

On September 12, 2021, I hopped on a plane and moved from Seattle to Ireland to study contemporary dance at the University of Limerick. It was a move five-years in the making, fueled by my lifelong love of Ireland itself and my growing career as a movement artist. I can say without reservation that this move was the best personal, professional, and artistic decision I’ve made to date. Living in a country that feels like home while advancing myself as a dancer has been transformative on a cellular level. I would love to share with you a bit of what I’ve learned on my Irish journey so far.

By Hannah Emory, DWC Blog Contributor

hannuh EM-or-ee), She/They

I traveled to Ireland twice in 2018, first as a tourist and again as a volunteer hostel worker, to sort of test-run my dream to live in the country. The pull I felt toward Ireland was intense well before I set foot in the country. I immediately fell in love with the spirit of the place and during my travels, I became convinced that Ireland would be my future home. Of course, visiting a place is totally different from starting a new life there, but even after returning to America, I yearned to get back to the Emerald Isle and give my new life a go.

Meeting my course director over Zoom in the weeks leading up to my immigration gave me a sense that the University of Limerick would provide me exposure to artists from around the world, students and teachers alike who would open my eyes to new facets of the dance world. Additionally, I would be able to tap more into my passion for fiddling, interest in Irish paganism and mythology, and growing skills in Irish dance. The weeks flew by as my anticipation, and a little bit of natural nerves, grew. And before I knew it, I had packed a massive suitcase, said goodbye to my family, and was marching through SeaTac with my heart pounding. As my Aer Lingus flight soared toward my new home a few hours later, I knew I was embarking on an incredible adventure.

It is wild to think that two years have passed since that fateful day. Sometimes it feels like I have been a student in UL for ages, other times it feels like I’ve snapped my fingers and found myself here: stronger after two years of rigorous training, with so much creative fire in my belly for what the future holds.

In that time, I have made dear friends, learned from some of the world’s best contemporary dance teachers, and been involved in some absolute dream projects. I’ve learned a tremendous amount from the last two years, and am anticipating so much growth in my final year of study. If I were to condense this time of my life into three crucial lessons, it would be the following:

Find your own creative path and follow it: When you’re in university, there will be many new sources of information and training that cross your path. I encourage you to soak it all in and seize the opportunity to make what you learn a part of your own unique creative signature. I did this by spending as much independent time in the studio as I could. I reviewed what I was learning from my teachers, improvised and experimented, and recorded my movement research. I also took improvisation classes, worked with my fellow students, and watched performances that gave me a vision for what I want my own choreography to look like. Finding your creative voice takes a mixture of relentless pursuit, joyful creation, and curious learning. It will be your most important tool as a movement artist and will give you endless material for creating work in the future.
Collaborate as much as possible: Collaborative projects are a bit like creative pressure cookers. They bring you into contact with artists who have ideas different to your own and are an amazing way to give and take creative inspiration. As an example, my class cohort came together for our first independent project in the summer of 2022. We learned so much about filming, rehearsing, choreographing, and we got a lot closer to each other. At the end of it, we had a work in progress that we are extremely proud of that served as a springboard for projects we’re doing now. You never know what will come from working with other dancers (especially when it’s with folks you’ve never worked with before); it’s one of the best learning tools available.
Don’t be afraid to forge a new path: Until about a year ago, I was convinced that I would follow a relatively traditional contemporary dancer’s path once I completed my degree. I supposed I would find work with a dance company and follow a standard performing dancer to choreographer/company director pipeline. But, through my education in UL, I discovered circus arts and fire performance, and my whole vision for the future changed and I unlocked a part of myself that was waiting to speak and move. I say all this to encourage you to not be afraid to reinvent yourself throughout your career. Wherever you started your training does not have to dictate the path of your future, and having a wide range of movement experiences under your belt is a commodity in the dance world. As another example, one of the girls in my year started as a popping street dancer, came to UL where she started contemporary dancing for the first time, and is now an incredible aerial dancer. Because of her willingness to go down new paths and explore, she has a range of movement available to her that makes her a dynamic and sought-after performer. So, if there is an avenue of movement arts you haven’t explored yet but want to, I encourage you to allow your path to shift from what you thought it would be. Answer the call to reinvent yourself and it will take you to amazing places.

In my experience, these invaluable lessons were heightened by training in another country where my comfort zone has been expanded by default time and again. Yet, these principles apply in any educational context and you don’t have to make a huge life change to implement them for yourself. Wherever you find yourself in your training or work as a dancer, you can stay in relentless pursuit of your own artistry, chase the collaborative opportunities that come your way, and stay open to reinventing yourself. I’ve found these elements to be highly adaptive tools in any movement context, and believe they are the spice of being a dancer. The possibilities are truly endless when you keep yourself open to what’s around you. Go forth and dance, my friend.

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